“Ah, looks like we have fresh victims- feet. I said feet. I’m Jeff, and most other shows I’ve been on say I’m mean. I’m not mean, I’m strict. Pay attention to me and you won’t get hurt. So, since most of you are new, I will explain the rules. This is a reality show. There will usually be a challenge. The winner of the challenge is the ‘leg’. The rest of the feet vote. The three feet with the highest votes are the ‘toes’. Then, the leg goes on an outing, and selects one toe to go home. Oh, and, Irish girl, how do you pronounce your name?” The host said.
“It’s like BAY-vin. But it’s spelled Bẻibhinn.” Bẻibhinn said.
“OK. So, I know the people reading this won’t like you, but head over to the confessional booths and introduce yourselves!” Jeff said.
“Hi, my name is Ulysses. I sense an unholy presence. Ooh, it appears to be resonating from the tan kid walking towards me. Oh, he must be the avatar of Lucifer! I will slay him!”
“Hey, my name is Chico. I wonder why that Ulysses guy hates me. I did nothing to harm him. I’m from Mexico, and even though I speak English, I still don’t know your American’s ways.”
“Hi, I’m Melis. And, I bet some guys are staring at me right now. Is it because I’m fat? Oh, I have to exercise more!”
“I’m Sonia. I’m going to make friends. Lots of them. And I will control the game!”
“My name’s Chandler. Oh, gosh, don’t hurt me! There are too many people! What if they try to... Oh, I can’t say it!”
“My name’s Jon. I’m really good at strategies, and I’m sure that whenever I’m a toe, and the opposing alliance is the leg, I will not go home.”
“Hi, I’m Jenn- BLECH! Oh, sorry. I’m a mess, aren’t I? Whenever I’m nervous, or just awake at all, I vomit uncontrollably. Can I have a spittoon? Hurry!!!” Her name’s Jenna, by the way.
“I’m Liza. Unlike most of the yahoos here, I’m here for the scholarship. My family can’t pay for Pre-Med or Medical School, so I have to get this scholarship by any means necessary.”
“I’m Kal. I don’t want to say anymore.”
“Konnichiwa! I’m Shiitore! If anyone mess with me, they get foot in face! I Kung Fu Master. And Wushu Black Belt!”
“I’m Mary. I see the downside in things. There’s so many idiots in the world it’s just so easy to be pessimistic. “
“I’m Cassie. I’ve been through so much, and whenever something reminds me of a negative event in my life, I drift out of reality and become immersed in that event again. Which is why I like to stay positive.”
“I’m Angelique. I wear short shirts and belly dance often.”
“I’m Bẻibhinn. I’m from the great land of Ire.
“I’m Tieshaunn. Notice the cob. Notice me eating it. That describes my personality.”
“I’m Ke’Keyshah! I’m from the hood!”
“I’m Linda! And I’m the best person!”
“I’m Citlali. Welcome to the wonderful world of the Cherokee.”
“I’m Alisha. I love Abner Bailey Jones!”
“I’m Wilburn. I’m gonna be a sports star.”
“I’m Michael. I’m trying to dig a tunnel to the center of the Earth.”
“I’m Marshal. I’m blind, but I get loads of chicks. Hot ones. I just know when a chick is hot.”
“I’m Royle. People say I sound like Bob Dylan, and he’s a singer, so I want to be a singer.”
“It’s me, Kylie! I’m back, and by now I’m a Footfriends mega-star! They said they wanted me here because they wanted someone nice. I like Ulysses. He’s cool.”
“Okay, feet. I want to cut you some slack, even though you should be working your butts off your torsos, but there’s no challenge. Just talk QUIETLY and then vote on who to go home. No leg, no toes. Simple. If you paid attention.” Jeff grumbled.
“Look, person,” Chico said to Ulysses.
“You will pay me respect by calling me by my name.” Ulysses said.
“Sorry, I’m new to this country. Anyway, why are you so mad at me?”
“You want the money for the wrong reasons.”
“How do you know that?”
“God told me,” Ulysses said and walked away.
“Hey, Ulysses, do you want an alliance?” Kylie asked.
“OK. May you prosper under my control.”
“Ulysses is crazy. Although, it’s a good crazy.” ~Kylie
Tieshaunn, Marshall, and Michael were discussing alliances.
“So, I like corn, and you like digging tunnels, and you like girls, so do you want to like, join up?” Tieshaunn said.
“Well, alright.” Marshall and Michael answered. “Wait, who’s talking?”
“It’s me, Tieshaunn! Let’s vote Kylie.”
“Hi, Shiitore. I don’t have many friends, because they don’t like vomit, but I figured that you would like me because Japanese people eat weird stuff.” Jenna said.
“No. Vomit makes me sick.”
“That’s what they all say- BLECH!” Jenna threw up.
“What matter with you? Get foot in face!” Shiitore then kicked Jenna.
“Hey, all three of us are kind of pretty. Alliance?” Melis said to Bẻibhinn and Ke’Keyshah.
“Hey, I want in!” Angelique said.
“Sure, the more the better! Let’s vote for Ulysses. He’s just weird.”
“Hello. Welcome to My Cherokee Story by Citlali. This is a video diary dedicated to my life as a Cherokee woman.” Citlali droned on and on.
Michael was digging. “Come, on, dude! Get it together! If you dig 15 feet, you get a nationally-certified shovel from a grant! Keep digging! You need to break through the crust and get to the mantle!”
VOTING
Ulysses- Chico
Chico- Ulysses
Melis- Ulysses
Sonia- Chico
Chandler- Jenna
Jon- Kylie
Jenna- Shiitore
Liza- Melis
Kal- Royle. I don’t like Bob Dylan
Shiitore- Jenna
Mary- Jenna. You’re an idiot.
Cassie- Jenna. Vomit induces my flashbacks.
Angelique- Ulysses
Bẻibhinn- Ulysses
Tieshaunn- Kylie
Ke’Keyshah- Ulysses
Linda- Melis
Citlali- Jenna
Sal- Melis
Alisha- Ke’Keyshah
Wilburn- Jenna
Michael- Kylie
Marshal- Kylie
Royle- Kal
“It’s a tie!” The host said. “You will now arm wrestle!”
They got their hands in position, and Jenna threw up. Ulysses was irritated. But, he unleashed the power of rage upon Jenna’s hand, and smashed it through the table. “Ulysses wins! And, seeing that display, some of you may not want to vote for him anymore,” Marianne chuckled.
“That was close. I better strengthen my alliance to avoid going home. “ ~Ulysses.
“I feel so disappointed. It’s not my fault my stomach churns food too fast. Oh, well. I could never get a job, anyway. SPITTOON!” ~Jenna
“That’s it for today, see you next time one Footfriends! You’ll read it again if you have B-R-AINS!" Jeff said, in a condescending manner.
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